Tears at the end of a beautiful journey
In the last of three extracts from her new book Alessandra Borghese visits Regensburg, where she meets Pope Benedict and his talented brother
23 May 2008

Benedict XVI, right, walks with his brother Georg Ratzinger in Regensburg, southern Germany, in 2006 AP Photo / Diether Endlicher

The Pope's visit to Bavaria and Regensburg was drawing to a close. Since his schedule was so full, we did not know whether we would be able to meet him. But on the last evening, we received a surprise: the gatekeeper at the palace informed us that the police had arrived to take us to the seminary, there to meet the Holy Father.

We all rejoiced, and in an atmosphere of general euphoria, we got into the minibus. Pilar was also with us: the daughter of Gloria [von Thurn und Taxis]'s sister, this attractive girl is unfortunately handicapped. Max Georg, a dear friend of the Thurn und Taxis family, was at the steering-wheel and ready to leave, but the police seemed to be in no hurry. Two policemen then got out of their car to inform us that the Pope was running late because his house in Pentling, which he was visiting, was surrounded by the faithful, and he was greeting each one of them individually.

Police headquarters had given orders that we were not to leave before the Pope reached the seminary. We tried to explain to the policemen that anyone attending a papal audience is expected to be there before the Pope arrives, and not the other way round.

But there was nothing to be done. No offence meant, since every nation has its good and bad points, but flexibility is not a quality that the German people have.

Gloria was beginning to worry. Her son Albert, however, went back into the house and returned with a tray laden with drinks for anyone who might want them. In the meantime, while we were becoming increasingly agitated, the two policeman who were to escort us as outriders on their motorbikes took off their helmets and started taking photographs of each other in front of the old fountain in the courtyard of the palace.

Notwithstanding the importance of the audience to which we were going, I could not refrain from laughing, since even though I was in Germany, I felt as though I were in a scene from a film by Alberto Sordi. I reflected that, throughout the world, things are very much the same.

The minutes ticked by and nothing seemed to be happening; so we decided to recite a rosary to calm ourselves down and to entrust our fate to the Virgin Mary. At least another hour passed before the order arrived for us to set off.

Just as we finally reached the seminary, and after so long spent waiting, Pilar shouted out that she needed to go the lavatory urgently. We had little time to spare, but the matter could not be put off. I offered to accompany the girl so that Gloria could go ahead, but she wanted to attend to Pilar, to whom she was both aunt and godmother.

Meanwhile Gloria's mother, together with her sister-in-law Clotilde Liechtenstein and the young Amelie, were taken to the first floor and shown into the room where the Holy Father was. I looked around, hoping that Gloria, Albert and Pilar would reappear. But there was no sign of them. I tried to stay calm and accept this small contretemps with good grace as one of the limitations that are part of all human things, even the nicest.

In one hand I was holding the small gilded wooden angel that Albert had taken from its position above his bed in order to give it to the Pope, and I handed it to a policeman. I just had time to put a scarf on my head, and before I knew what, I was standing before Benedict XVI.

I knelt down, kissed his ring, and then broke the ice. "Your Holiness, for a moment I feared that the Bavarians were not going to let you leave again, after such a successful visit. But you are going back to Rome tomorrow, aren't you. I hope we have nothing to worry about." The Holy Father laughed heartily and, with his usual kindness, replied that I need not worry, since his fellow-countrymen would certainly allow him to leave.



Having greeted his brother Georg and his secretary Mgr Gänswein, both of whom were present at the audience, I explained to the Holy Father why Gloria was late. He replied amiably that he was aware of the problems faced by the carers of the handicapped and of the attention that the latter needed.

Then, with the greatest kindness, he invited us to sit down, and we did so on small seats arranged simply around himself and his brother. I took this opportunity to make a further compliment. "Your brother is the best possible advertisement for the Catholic Church," I said. The Pope was pleased, as he always is when his brother is praised.

I was much struck by the fact that even though he had just returned from a walkabout in the crowds, he was relaxed and made us feel very much at ease. He told us that he had met and greeted a large number of people in every place on his itinerary.

He next asked us if we had been present, that morning, at the ceremony in the Alte Kappelle, that masterpiece of Baroque church architecture. I confessed that we had followed him around more or less everywhere; including, obviously, for the inauguration that same day of the newly restored organ. "Your brother once explained to me," I said, "how new influences made themselves felt on sacred music in the 19th century, and how Gregorian chant and the polyphonic classical tradition were combined as part of the process of liturgical development.

"But your address this morning made it even clearer to me why in every little church not just in Bavaria, but throughout Germany, there is an organ in good repair and an organist too. You explained so clearly that 'the organ is king of musical instruments because it takes all the sounds of Creation and resounds with the fullness of human emotions".

The Pope smiled, and so did his brother. With this talk of music, the atmosphere in the room seemed to become more relaxed and harmonious. I admit that I have a healthy jealousy of this musical tradition which is still so alive, while ours in Italy no longer exists.

I have noticed how the Ratzinger brothers like to compare social realities and customs to the rules of music, and I well remember how Georg Ratzinger, speaking of the new pacemaker that he had to have fitted urgently during the Pope's first summer at Castel Gandolfo, dismissed his heart problems with the following words: "Like in a concerto, there have been a few discords in my heart, but now all is resolved."

That same morning in Regensburg the Pope had said that "just as on the organ the expert hand must always and repeatedly bring disharmony back to harmony, thus we too in the Church must, with the help of divine gifts and grace and through communion in the faith, always find harmony in the worship of God and in brotherly love."

The conversation flowed freely for a few more minutes, after which the others finally arrived. The Holy Father immediately rose to his feet to welcome Pilar in her wheelchair. He made the sign of the cross on her forehead, and then greeted Gloria and Albert.

We all sat down again. Returning to the discussion about the organ, Clotilde Liechtenstein said that in the church that morning, on hearing the first notes of Bach, she had sensed the glorious triumph of the Church. Kindly as always, the Pope pointed out that "the Church has had her moments of triumph, even though it would be best not to use this word today, since there are in fact many problems to be solved".

He then turned to Albert and asked him when he was due to return to his university in Scotland. "It must already be cold there," he commented with concern. He also asked after Gloria's daughters, who were unfortunately not present since they had had to stay in England.

Albert then asked the Pope how he had spent his day off-duty. After a conspiratorial glance in the direction of his brother, the Holy Father gave his answer. "We went to the cemetery to pray at the tomb of our dear ones. Then we went to my house and cooked a meal as we always used to, although we were not allowed to wash up. We prayed together and meditated for a while. After that, Georg and I had an excellent lunch at his house in Luzengasse, a place which you all know well." To which Gloria's riposte was: "Excellent and abundant, I imagine!"

The audience was at an end, the Pope took part in a photograph and then said goodbye to each of us in turn, giving everyone a rosary.

Outside the seminary we met the bishop, Gerhard Ludwig Müller, whom we greeted with much joy and enthusiasm before returning home. In the car, silence reigned. We were all re-living, in slow motion, the precious moments that we had spent together.

The next morning we were all sitting round the breakfast table with enormous smiles on our faces, discussing what we had felt during the audience with the Pope in the seminary. Each story had its own nuances and its own tenderness.

I turned on the television. The Bavarian channel was showing the papal helicopter leaving Regensburg. The camera followed it until it was over Freising. These were Benedict XVI's last hours in his beloved native land. I, too, was due to return to Rome that afternoon. I could not hold back my emotion, and two tears rolled down my cheeks.

A few minutes before, Gloria and the others had been joking about how, fearless as ever, I always managed to make the Pope smile with one of my light-hearted comments. But now I was overwhelmed by what I felt welling up inside me. I could feel the great joy that I had received during these days of pilgrimage flowing through my veins and right to the centre of my heart.

The memories raced through my mind; these days would always be unforgettable. Perhaps the most beautiful journey of my life had just come to an end.

Never had I felt such a strong link with this land of Bavaria, to which, in the end, I owe my return to the faith. There could be no doubt: my conversion, which started by Lake Starnberg in those now far-off August days, made me feel Bavarian by adoption.

This is an extract from In the Footsteps of Joseph Ratzinger by Alessandra Borghese, translated by Sebastian Cresswell-Turner and published by Family Publications priced £7.95